'TORN APART'
Brenda sat nervously rocking back and forth in her chair as thoughts of her entire life raced through her mind. Today was decision time. Time to start the healing process and end the nightmare or continue to live in it.
She constantly wondered how did she put herself in a position to give birth to a killer and help feed his terror against her community.
Brenda gave birth to Lamar at the age of fifteen. They practically raised each other. With Lamar never knowing or laying eyes on his father, his mother is all he knew.
Their relationship was far from mother-son but more like life-long buddies. Brenda and Lamar did everything together and were inseparable. With Brenda herself growing up in the streets, she exposed Lamar to all the vices and drama that the underworld could show a person. Lacking any sense of living a normal life, Brenda felt that she was exposing Lamar to a way where he could survive the concrete jungle if his life depended on it.
She taught him everything he needed to fail in life: drug dealing, stealing, connivance, and trickery. It was all that she had to offer the troubled teen.
In what she thought was providing Lamar with tools of survival, they turned out to be weapons of societal destruction. Now that Lamar was the age that Brenda was when she gave birth, Lamar was ten times more street-savvy than his mother. The biggest difference was that Lamar thrived on violence and putting people in fear. Brenda would constantly deny the rumors that her fifteen-year-old
was a killer in the streets until the violence hit her home. One day Lamar threatened to shoot her because she raised her voice at him. That incident put Brenda in fear of her life and from that day on she lost her son to the streets. Knowing that he was already abusing prescription drugs and alcohol, she had no idea where his common sense was at. One day Lamar left the house with his pistol tucked on his waist. Brenda entertained the thought of calling the police on him, letting them know that he was armed with a gun. She figured jail might do him some good and actually save his life or someone else's. She quickly dispelled the idea because she thought her community would put her to shame if he called the law on her son. She was conflicted. She was torn apart. She decided to do what most similar situated parents would do; she let Lamar linger in the streets. A week after she made that decision, Lamar was killed like a dog in the streets. What would you have done? This is a harsh reality for many young black men caught up in the life.
was a killer in the streets until the violence hit her home. One day Lamar threatened to shoot her because she raised her voice at him. That incident put Brenda in fear of her life and from that day on she lost her son to the streets. Knowing that he was already abusing prescription drugs and alcohol, she had no idea where his common sense was at. One day Lamar left the house with his pistol tucked on his waist. Brenda entertained the thought of calling the police on him, letting them know that he was armed with a gun. She figured jail might do him some good and actually save his life or someone else's. She quickly dispelled the idea because she thought her community would put her to shame if he called the law on her son. She was conflicted. She was torn apart. She decided to do what most similar situated parents would do; she let Lamar linger in the streets. A week after she made that decision, Lamar was killed like a dog in the streets. What would you have done? This is a harsh reality for many young black men caught up in the life.
JMV
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